ramble on.

Ohhh kids. I forget how clever they are sometimes. I definitely wouldn't have been able to come up with such things to say to God at their age, granted I barely spoke when I was that young. Which probably helped me in my clepto-years of stealing candy from the pathmark aisles, since nobody would be suspicious of a 2ft-tall silent girl. In fact I remember being reallyyyy shy when I was younger, and I'm not sure if I really even spoke English till I was 5 or so. And what I knew then were simple, direct translations of Korean->English. This summer my dad told me a story about how I would stand on the front porch of our apartment yelling out "BROTHERRRR!!" (which to me meant "oppa") to get jillee's attention when he was outside. Now the only thing I ever yell to him is "CAN YOU STOP??"

But I supposedly used to really look up to my brother. Like I'd copy the things he did, desired to like the same things he did, and I even wore his hand-me-downs in my tomboy-ish days of elementary school. Oh, and I bought pokemon cards from him, money he then used to buy star wars figurines. Anything to win his happiness and approval. But I think the memories you have with your siblings are the best, and ours aren't even all that private. It's hard for others to understand the interaction between the two of us, mostly because he's freaking odd and I've unknowingly caught onto it while growing up with the guy. Some find it funny, most find it confusing or dumb, and others can't decide whether they get it or not. But it's the best when people can laugh because they find the same things funny, and we have since back in the day when my forehead took up 3/4 of my face and he was pigeon-toed and had an impeccable sense of style.

Those days.

And now he's in grad school and I'm halfway through college. Where does the time go?

I had a dream the other night that I had a baby sister--a 1-month-old adorable baby sister,who slept on her tummy with her butt in the air. She had her own little crib with an elaborate mobile toy thing above it, and my brother (in the dream) was so incredibly good to her. He played with her, jiggled the mobile for her, put her to sleep, and danced around the house with her. When I mentioned the dream to him (in real life), he said he would adore a baby sister at this point in his life. "I would treat her like a princess," he says. That was me, once. I was his little baby sister.

But anyway.

The dream was SO ridiculously real that I seriously thought it was real life. And I LOVED IT!! I woke up and was overwhelmingly distraught that it wasn't true. Then I talked to each parent separately about the possibilities of it all becoming a reality. But each parent thought that I'm more at the age to give birth than my mom is, so I guess that's a no. Which is really unfortunate, because I'd like a baby sister, not a daughter. A baby sister you can play with and take care of by choice. A daughter is your responsibility, and I'm not ready to be a role model to anyone yet. eek?

The "dear God" picture is one that I found while reading old xanga entries. I hadn't done it since high school, and goodness it's extremely fun to read about the things that mattered to me, what I found funny, how many emoticons I used to use in each entry, how many "10 random things about me, 9 things i look for in a guy, 8 things i did today..." surveys i filled out, and how many angst-ridden privatized entries I had written about things that hardly matter anymore. What was even more entertaining was seeing how many comments I got for writing 1-sentence-long posts, like "people eat pigeon?!" that was all i wrote, and i believe it had 27 comments. for that one line. i'm not sure i will ever reach that wide of an audience in my life anymore. i really think I peaked in high school. HAH!

...but really.

a penchant for the bizarre.

california is so different. i can't say that it's been a lonely summer, because it hasn't been, really. i've been really fortunate, moving around a lot, traveling and such. it's my first taste of "jetsetting," and i've fallen in love with it. by the end of this summer i'll have been to london, paris, rome, macerata, florence... and dallas, texas. and it's helped me realize that nothing makes me happier than experiencing different cultures, meeting new people, and surrounding myself with the unfamiliar.

and that's what california is to me--unfamiliar. i barely know my town, what i've endearingly dubbed the 'ghetto of torrance.' my townhouse is lovely, even though i've met zero neighbors since my arrival in early july. it seems there are a lot of koreans though, ones that will san-chek outside sometimes. there's a nice little...oval in the center of the townhouse complex which is great for walking and talking during the cool nights. it's where i've ranted about nonsense while enjoying father-daughter walks throughout the summer. generally speaking i've also never lived so close to so many fast-food 'restaurants' in my life. within a mile radius, i can name about 20. isn't that ridiculous?! millburn had ONE taco bell, and it was my family's haven. in fact i had my 13th, 14th, and 15th birthday dinners @ taco bell. maybe even my 12th. i mean, my fam is super classy. :)

so it comes to the point at which the summer is basically over... but it has been a fulfilling summer. there were days when i was ridiculously bored and wished i had more friends out here, but other days when the conversations i had on the phone/msnger/gchat/skype (skype!!!) minimized the distance between the coasts. and for that i couldn't be more thankful. this summer was also great for keeping in touch. i feel like i've done a pretty good job, most probably because others have been really good about it. i also reconnected with a few, which usually makes me happy. this summer is also when i realized how much i really enjoy meeting people outside of the orange bubble, because it reminds me that not everyone in the world is pretentious and brainy. not that everyone @ princeton is, but they're just... a different flavor. i'm not sure how to describe it, but it was refreshing to meet people from all over, & i feel like i connected with way more people this summer than i may have in the past two years @ college.

which is why i've made my decision to try to study abroad in the spring. i love college, REALLY, but the thought of meeting more people, thriving in a foreign land and exploring the exotic and unusual is kinda exhilerating. in a way i think i enjoy being out of my element. obviously there are degrees to which i'm capable of lasting in that kinda environment without folding into the awkward and silent hyeree (which i'm terrible @ hiding), but i welcome the challenge. so i'm thinking australia. although it was a toss up between UQueensland and U of Capetown, i figure career & interest-wise, UQ would be better because of its focus/specialties in the psych field. and c'mon, AUSTRALIA! i'd be crazy not to go there. south africa will just have to wait for another spontaneous adventure with puffs<3 (sonrisas if you're reading this!) i'm also getting pretty serious about psychology, in that i have a geuine desire to learn more about it. i've been addicted to psychologytoday blogs this month, (as well as to FML & facebook photos...) and meeting Dr. Josephine Kim (aka exactly who i want to be in 10 years) at KASE gave me hope for making a real difference...though i'll have to wait till i'm at that stage of my life haha.

so here's to the summer. i yogurtlanded, little tokyo-ed, tried japanese ramen, watched some fantastic movies (say anything, 500 days of summer?! sigh) started some hilarious shows (the office, always sunny in philadelphia, scrubs), found some cool & relaxing SoCal spots (trump trail), beached twice or so, fell in love with farmer's market, and learned a little more how to love. i might be ready to head back east soon... but not before i say hi to a few people on the other side of the world first :)

stumbleupon

blog #1.
i'm not sure anything i say is exciting or relevant...ever, really. i always find other people's ideas so much more interesting and enlightening. it might just be because i don't spend enough time thinking. or because my thoughts are just incomprehensible. i always hesitate before answering the question "what are you thinking about?" because it's always 9999 things at once. i would seem crazy if i explained how one thought led to another. it's a mess in there, really.

i also wouldn't describe myself as introspective at all. i can't imagine what people must think about when they sit for hours just contemplating life. or philosophers ! goodness. the things people come up with. if i could record my thoughts or maintain my stream of consciousness in any way, i'd definitely publish a book. but i can never remember an idea long enough to write it down, because the thought of writing it down replaces the thought i originally had. similar to how i can't remember what i did on weekends (sober), or figure out what my plans are for the future, (though i can't say i live in the moment either), i'm learning that i'm ridiculously confused more than half the time. so if i keep a record of my life--because i've 'outgrown' xanga haaa--i'll have something to come back to. and laugh at. and maybe cry over. *shrug.

anyways. the number of time-wasting things i've found to do this past year is astounding. it's ironic how much easier it is to find distractions when you can't afford to have any. one of such distractions is the mozilla function stumbleupon. of the many artists i came across while stumbling, this one seemed the most appealing. i can't seem to figure out whether each photo is staged, or whether the photographer just had extremely good luck across a span of time while roaming the city. either way, i think it's pretty awesome.

back for more soon ! tell me if you've had enough already :]