ramble on.

Ohhh kids. I forget how clever they are sometimes. I definitely wouldn't have been able to come up with such things to say to God at their age, granted I barely spoke when I was that young. Which probably helped me in my clepto-years of stealing candy from the pathmark aisles, since nobody would be suspicious of a 2ft-tall silent girl. In fact I remember being reallyyyy shy when I was younger, and I'm not sure if I really even spoke English till I was 5 or so. And what I knew then were simple, direct translations of Korean->English. This summer my dad told me a story about how I would stand on the front porch of our apartment yelling out "BROTHERRRR!!" (which to me meant "oppa") to get jillee's attention when he was outside. Now the only thing I ever yell to him is "CAN YOU STOP??"

But I supposedly used to really look up to my brother. Like I'd copy the things he did, desired to like the same things he did, and I even wore his hand-me-downs in my tomboy-ish days of elementary school. Oh, and I bought pokemon cards from him, money he then used to buy star wars figurines. Anything to win his happiness and approval. But I think the memories you have with your siblings are the best, and ours aren't even all that private. It's hard for others to understand the interaction between the two of us, mostly because he's freaking odd and I've unknowingly caught onto it while growing up with the guy. Some find it funny, most find it confusing or dumb, and others can't decide whether they get it or not. But it's the best when people can laugh because they find the same things funny, and we have since back in the day when my forehead took up 3/4 of my face and he was pigeon-toed and had an impeccable sense of style.

Those days.

And now he's in grad school and I'm halfway through college. Where does the time go?

I had a dream the other night that I had a baby sister--a 1-month-old adorable baby sister,who slept on her tummy with her butt in the air. She had her own little crib with an elaborate mobile toy thing above it, and my brother (in the dream) was so incredibly good to her. He played with her, jiggled the mobile for her, put her to sleep, and danced around the house with her. When I mentioned the dream to him (in real life), he said he would adore a baby sister at this point in his life. "I would treat her like a princess," he says. That was me, once. I was his little baby sister.

But anyway.

The dream was SO ridiculously real that I seriously thought it was real life. And I LOVED IT!! I woke up and was overwhelmingly distraught that it wasn't true. Then I talked to each parent separately about the possibilities of it all becoming a reality. But each parent thought that I'm more at the age to give birth than my mom is, so I guess that's a no. Which is really unfortunate, because I'd like a baby sister, not a daughter. A baby sister you can play with and take care of by choice. A daughter is your responsibility, and I'm not ready to be a role model to anyone yet. eek?

The "dear God" picture is one that I found while reading old xanga entries. I hadn't done it since high school, and goodness it's extremely fun to read about the things that mattered to me, what I found funny, how many emoticons I used to use in each entry, how many "10 random things about me, 9 things i look for in a guy, 8 things i did today..." surveys i filled out, and how many angst-ridden privatized entries I had written about things that hardly matter anymore. What was even more entertaining was seeing how many comments I got for writing 1-sentence-long posts, like "people eat pigeon?!" that was all i wrote, and i believe it had 27 comments. for that one line. i'm not sure i will ever reach that wide of an audience in my life anymore. i really think I peaked in high school. HAH!

...but really.